One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
