i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
