I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She even gives head with a lisp.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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