dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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