god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
