Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
