I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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