Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
