Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
