Pappa wants mamma naked
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
