She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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