It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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