He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
