My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
