How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
