Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
