the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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