You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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