well I can't set my house on fire every night
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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