I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
