why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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