just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i now understand why vodka
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
