if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
