it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
