you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
