I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
