fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
