My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
