READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
