he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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