I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
