Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
