I hate your face
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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