the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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