you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You pole danced in your parka.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
