the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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