I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
