just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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