I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
