Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she peed on how many people?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
