if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
