Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
