bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
