I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
