Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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