by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
