I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize