Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
