I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
