smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
