He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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