When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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