This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
