Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
