I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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