There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
