Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
