I'm gonna have a badass scar
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
