so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
