Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I did not marry a roomba.
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