Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
