she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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