I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
