I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
