Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Fuck appropriateness.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My breasts were aching with rage.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I deserve this hangover.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
