God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
