Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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