I only kidnapped one of them. chill
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
