the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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