Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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