That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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