just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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