At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize