I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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